I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
