was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Houston, we have a squirter
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
