11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Someone shattered a urinal.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
