I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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