Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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