i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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