If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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