the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
