Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
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Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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