How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He? As in you personified your dick?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
