The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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