He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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