no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
