I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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