I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
