I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
