Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
