non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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