i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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