Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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