I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize