Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
