taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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