my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Found your dick twin last night
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
