Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
