I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
