Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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