I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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