He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
