Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
