is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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