Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
