The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
