You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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