If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
