Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I want to be your penis for a week.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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