Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
