Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
