wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
