He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
