Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
