she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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