I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
