saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize