you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
