I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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