ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
