my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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