i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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