Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
