my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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