When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
