Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
