And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
