My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
