areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
