Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
