Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
