i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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