you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
