birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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