I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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