this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
