so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
