I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
