Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
