Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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