Can i not drive my cunt home
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
