woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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