i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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