i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
