is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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