i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
