Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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