mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
