I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
