I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize